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Jenni's Journal - Chapter 13


Day 94:

I had almost lost track of the days... a blur of training of learning at Valaer's side. So enthralled had I become by this experience that all thought of the life I left behind had naught be slipped from my mind. But now everything is changed again, and I am struggling to reconcile my feelings. I am deeply saddened by what happened today, but at the same time there is an undeniable excitement for what lays ahead. This is so confusing...

But I should try to get all this down before I lose the light to see my page, maybe detailing events in you - my ever faithful companion - will help me find focus as it has done so many times before. So this morning, I entered the den to find Valaer at her writing desk as usual. One look though - just one look was all it took for her to tell me that today was different - as she turned to greet me there was a sadness in her eyes that screamed out to me. I have never been great at reading others, always too focused on myself as Rowena would always fondly point out. Goddess, Rowena... oh how miss your companionship now; the nights we would sit by the fire in your inn while you told me fantastical stories.... huh, I suppose my dream's come true now as I seem to be living one, I hope I can return to share this tale with you one day my dear friend...

I digress though; Valaer. As she turned to greet me this morning I felt a pang of sadness crush my heart like my very soul was touched by whatever was the source of the pain in her eyes. She did not express it however - true to form as I've come to rather enjoy from her - she held a proud posture like always, so tall and rigid even when sat before me. Of course I immediately asked her what was wrong, to which she simply rose from her chair and took my hands in her own - a touch so delicate I hadn't dare to imagine from her - and she... smiled! She said "It was time", frustratingly cryptic as ever, though I did not have to wait long for an explanation...

Valaer took me to her bedside where she lay down and I sat at her side. She could clearly see the fear building in my own eyes and cradled my cheek with her hand, much in the same manner she had done when we first met with her finger tracing thoughtfully along my ear. It was both soothing and reassuring as she looked back to me, repeating "It is time". I asked what for, naturally, and then she told me... "For me to return to our mothers embrace, and for your journey to begin"


Clearly she saw the look of confusion on my face, but she continued her gentle caress, telling me that I was her last apprentice, but also so much more. See now, I had already learned that Valaer is much older than she appears and has educated many of our kin as she has me. But now apparently I was more than simply another apprentice, I was... her successor?! I still don't feel like I even understand the nature of my own existence, how am I supposed to educate others?! But she persisted, telling me that it would all come if I simply allowed myself to see - Goddess, I hope I don't start talking as cryptically as she does... But still, I sat by her side for countless hours and we talked as she appeared to grow weaker - yet somehow also more serene - her final words to me coming shortly before night began to fall.

"Find your sisters Baelai, bring your family together for only then will you know your true self. Look to Winter's embrace; where the arcane is tamed"


Day 96:

After Valaer spoke those confusing words to me and closed her eyes, I witnessed the impossible as her physical form faded before me. I felt her soul touch mine as she passed into the embrace of the Goddess, and in that brief moment of the most spiritual connection it was like I felt her confidence, her knowledge. I closed my eyes and smiled at the shared serenity before feeling her slip beyond my comprehension. As I looked back to the now empty bed I felt a single tear streak down my cheek. I was alone...

I left the den and walked for what felt like an eternity, I had no business being there anymore and it felt wrong to outstay my welcome - despite the protests from Za'Nir - I followed the waterways all the way out to the ocean. It felt nice being back at the seafront and it reminded me of home, so here I now sit; just me, the waves, and my thoughts. Valaer's final message still eluded me but I knew it's importance for her to have so carefully chosen those words as her last. I will contemplate this further, but for now I must collect my thoughts...


Day 97:

It came to me! Last night as I watched day give way to Masser and Secunda, and I stared up to them seeking insight they granted it to me! It's the College of Winterhold, Valaer wanted me to go to the College, presumably there I will find another of our kin in need of aid. How do I know this you ask? Well ok, you don't, because you're a book... but still! As the stars came into view and Masser rose gracefully over the horizon, I saw the blue star! Za'Nir has taught me about the moonpath's and I knew this was the setting for one leading around to northern Skyrim along the Morrowind border - it was a sign, it had to be! - the heavens themselves were guiding me towards the College, and so now under the protection of the moonpath's, I set out on the long journey home...

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